I met this guy online and went on a first date with him. It was fine. He texted me a day later and asked if I wanted to go on a second date with him. I said “sure.” He seriously texted back and said “I’m actually kind of surprised you are agreeing to go on a second date with me–you seemed to be judging me on the first date.”
First of all, who does not judge someone on a first date, especially someone they met online, so no surprise there–pretty sure that’s what first dates are for. Secondly, if he felt uncomfortable with it, why would you ask me out again? And third–why would you bring it up?! Yeah, I judged you, I don’t really know you, I agreed to go on a second date with you. Big deal–why ruin it by calling me out and saying something like that? The second date never happened. I said something like “I thought that’s what first dates were for, but I’m definitely judging you for this conversation.” And he said “I don’t care if you’re judging me, I want an explanation.” Um…an explanation about why I want to go on a second date with you? Well, I don’t anymore, so problem solved.
If you plan a day, time and place to meet someone, BE THERE. I asked my friend if she wanted to get brunch, and she said she couldn’t because he had a date with some guy she was talking to from an online site. Great! I texted her that night to ask her how it went and she said “he never showed up.” I was so confused! I thought there HAD to be some kind of miscommunication or explanation that later he would text and say he went to the wrong restaurant or something like that. She showed me the text messages and it was absolutely clear when and where they would meet. I felt so bad thinking about her sitting there by herself and waiting, but she said she knows other women who have experienced the same thing. I asked if she texted or called him to demand an explanation and she said no, she was over it.
I believe in being open and honest in a relationship. If I am driving and my phone dings, I have no problem handing it to my boyfriend and asking him to read the text to me. I have nothing to hide. I am a really deep sleeper and I sleep with my phone on the nightstand. When I woke-up, I checked my phone and noticed that some messages I had gotten the previous day were “read” when I had not read them. I didn’t think too much about it until my boyfriend said he went through my phone while I was sleeping and asked me about some of the guys that had texted me. What?!
For the record at this point in my life, I had a really needy/semi-obsessed ex who texted once in awhile about wanting me back and how we “had something special” etc. But I was totally honest about that in my current relationship and he knew my ex had issues. I rarely responded other than to say things like “sorry, you need to move on.” It was never my intention to be MEAN to my ex, we did have a connection at one point, and I just continued to gently remind him that I had moved on and he should too.
I guess I never let my current boyfriend READ these messages, and I did absolutely nothing wrong. But he questioned everything like why my ex kept saying we “had it” and that we lost it. NEWSFLASH–you are not the first guy I’ve ever dated, and I was in committed relationships previously. Clearly my ex is having issues moving on, which is sad, but really has nothing to do with my current relationship. It absolutely does not give my boyfriend the right to GO THROUGH MY PHONE WHILE I’M SLEEPING. If you have a problem with my ex texting me, tell me. If you want to know what he’s saying, ask me. I absolutely would have volunteered the information so I was infuriated and offended.
I was dating this guy for a while and things were up and down but going decently. I can’t remember why, but one night we were both busy. I was spending time with family and he had some event he needed to go to. We did text a bit throughout the night, but the text that made it a major “red flag” was that he said “I’m here hanging out with my playboy model friend and all I can think about is you.” That is a really weird way to pay me a compliment. So glad you could tell me about this sexy woman that you are spending the evening with.
My friend had a great first date with this guy. She was all excited about him, but a day passed and she never heard anything, then another day, then a week, then two weeks. Clearly he was not interested so she gave up on him and started to look into dating someone else. Then out of nowhere, two weeks after their first date she gets the “hey, how are you?” text. She responded politely and when he asked her out on a second date, she thought about it. It really seemed like he went out with her once, was not interested, maybe went on one or two dates with other girls since and is circling around to her again. No one waits that long for a second date.
She said she had a great time on their date, but that she would rather go out with someone who is actively interested in her. He said that he is interested! He just didn’t want to seem pushy. Waiting two weeks post date to contact someone is not not being pushy–that is being totally uninterested.
My friend went out a couple times with this guy she met online. They seemed to have a spark, he asked her out initially and then asked her out on the second date. Since she felt some chemistry, she decided to ask him out on the third date–so that he knew that she was interested. On Thursday, she sent him a “Hey, do you want to hang out this weekend? We could grab dinner or something if you’re free.” He responded with “Sorry, I’m totally swamped.”
Understandable. People get busy. She was a little annoyed that he didn’t go into more detail or express that he was bummed. It was hard since she decided to initiate and got rejected. Anyway, they had some flirty texts over the weekend and on Monday she asked “How was your weekend?” And he responded with “Great! Went to the gym, hung out at the beach for a bit and had the most amazing burger.”
Wait….he said that he was totally “swamped” and couldn’t hang out with her–but he apparently had time to work out, go to the beach and eat a burger. Yeah, sounds like a totally jam-packed weekend where you couldn’t squeeze in a date.
The guy I was dating went to another country for a week. He did not communicate with me at all the entire time he was there–no email, no texts, nothing. We both have iphones, which are not affected by roaming. I imessaged him that I hope he was having a good time, and he said “thanks.”
I was so offended that the guy I was dating couldn’t bother to even send me more than one word while he was abroad. When I asked him about it later, he said that he wasn’t sure about the phone charges. Ok, sure–there was still email or anything, really. He then said he only sent one text back because he wasn’t sure if it was going to be like a $4 charge per message. Also understandable, but I was pretty offended that this supposed “$4” charge meant I was not worth $4 to communicate with, and if he really did think it was a charge–then he spent $4 on one word and didn’t even make it a worthwhile message.
I’ll start this story off by saying that I was diagnosed with a condition that is monitored and totally fine now. I was completely unaware of this condition at the time this happened–I thought I was dehydrated, then I thought I had the flu, then I thought I was fine and back to work.
While I was at work, I ended up passing out, having the paramedics come to my office and whisk me away in an ambulance. It was actually pretty dramatic and surreal. Anyway the (now conscious and undiagnosed me) is in the emergency room, while they poke and prod me and then leave me with my phone and a TV while they run some tests. All I know is that I fainted, and am now in the emergency room while the doctors try to figure out why.
It was a scary situation and I didn’t want to freak anyone out. For the record, I didn’t even call my mom until I was discharged and at home. So not wanting to alarm him, I texted my boyfriend “hey, so I passed out at work and got taken to the ER in an ambulance, they are running some tests now, everything is fine.”
Our text conversation went like this:
Boyfriend “Ok. But you’re fine now?” Me: “Just kind of embarrassed that I got wheeled out in front of my office. Waiting till the doctor comes back.” Boyfriend: “Ok, well, I have a meeting at 2, so text me later, bye!”
I was intentionally trying not to worry him–but it would be nice if he were slightly more concerned that his girlfriend loss consciousness at work and is now in the hospital.
When I first started online dating, the whole thing was new and scary and I felt uncomfortable just throwing my number out to everyone. I would be messaging a nice guy and he would ask for my number. If I responded with “Let’s just message for a little bit so I can get to know you better before we exchange numbers” and guys would respond with “come on, what’s the big deal?!” or “but i can know you better by texting.” Guys who totally respected how I felt and went with it OR gave me their number and continued to message me saying I could text when I felt comfortable got brownie points. The pushy guys were just disrespectful and I wouldn’t want to meet anyone like that in person anyway.
I went out with this guy I met online. The date was pleasant but I didn’t really feel a spark. He texted me right after saying he had a great time and that he would love to see me again. I took that as a sign that he, you know, wanted to see me again. Since he was nice and well educated, I figured going out a second time won’t hurt. We texted throughout the week and every text convo he would end with “talk to you soon” or “see you soon.” Which again, I assumed meant, you know–that I would see him soon. But nope–these conversations kept going and always ending with an indication that he wanted to meet up again but a second date never transpired. Because I wasn’t SUPER interested to begin with, I never initiated a second meet up, I just assumed from his texts that he was eager to meet up again. Why would he say he wants to see me again if he doesn’t? Why would he even continue to text me? and WHY would he continuously say that he will see me soon if he has no intention of asking me out again? Was it just a reflex?