I’ve written about drunk driving before, and anyone who knows me knows that I am absolutely against drinking and driving. To me, it is one of the dumbest, most selfish things you can do–and so easily avoidable. I told the guy that I was dating that I will never drink and I drive and I never want him or anyone I know to drink and drive. He asked me if I know someone who was killed in a drunk driving accident. Fortunately, I do not, and I would like to keep it that way. He said he was really surprised and when I asked why that surprises him, he said “cuz you just seem really against it.” Wait, so the only possible reason I could be against drunk driving is if I know someone who was killed because of it?! I think most people are against it, and I think it’s weird that he felt like I needed a dramatic explanation for being against something like that.
I dated this guy for a while–longer than I should have. He was SO fun–we were constantly going on adventures and doing really active things. I loved his willingness to try new things and all the great new experience I had. When I took time to reflect on our relationship, I realized that we NEVER talked. We literally never had a sit down meal across from each other and asked each other about how our day was. And I really knew nothing about him. What was his childhood like? What does he want out of a relationship? Nothing deep and important–like you should when you are in a relationship. As much fun as he was, and as much as experiences are key to a relationship–so is talking and having an emotional connection, which we completely lacked.
I was dating this guy who would specifically tell me that he thought of “talking points” for our dates. Sure, everyone does it, want to make sure there are no awkward silences, whatever. But he was incredibly awkwardly calculated about it. For example “I thought of some talking points earlier today since I knew we were going to dinner–if you could be any kind of animal what would you be?”
I actually thought it was funny and endearing at first, but after a while I realized that conversations with someone you are dating should flow nicely and not be so awkwardly calculated.
I was in a relationship with this guy, but I could feel us drifting and there wasn’t as much chemistry. He stopped being affectionate with me and he stopped telling me he loves me. It was noticeable, so I took note of when he said “I love you.” It had been a while and I continued to notice that he wasn’t saying it, or saying boyfriend-ish things to me. After a while he finally said ‘I love you” again and I called him out–saying that he hadn’t said that to me in a long time and his response was (verbatim) “If I say it too much it loses it’s meaning”
Um…since when does saying something too much lose it’s meaning, especially when you are referring to caring about someone. That was his justification for being less affectionate with me?! Anyway long story short he was a complete weirdo and I am kind of annoyed with myself for dating him for so long.
My friend went out with this guy who talked about himself the entire time. He did not ask one question about her, and didn’t seem like he wanted to know anything about her. My friend also told me that this guy complained the entire time about how horrible things are now–not sure about the specifics but technology and they way kids are dressing now (?) And how things are not like the way they used to be in the “good old days.” What is up with this guy? He should not even be dating!
My boyfriend was very comfortable around me–he was funny and sweet and a great conversationalist. However, for some reason all this went out the window when he was around my parents. They thought he was weird and awkward and borderline rude because he could not carry on a conversation and gave one-word answers when they were being friendly.
It was SO important to me that my parents approved of my boyfriend–and so frustrating that they could not see what a great guy he was. I tried not to put the pressure on him, since I think the whole “being around the girlfriends parents” was already causing him anxiety. But I did mention that it was important to me that he try to converse with them.
My family was talking about how horrible the traffic was and how commuting was getting ridiculous. He was completely silent the entire time–seriously not one word–just stood completely mute (which attributed to my parents thinking he was a complete weirdo). When I finally pulled him aside I said “why are you being so silent? you’re not even kind of trying!” His response was “But I don’t want to talk about the traffic.”
I did not say this at the time, but in my head I was thinking “I don’t care what YOU want to talk about–my parents are talking about the traffic–so you should be talking about the fricken traffic!”
I understand that being around the girlfriends parents can be nerveracking–but being with someone who does not even KIND OF TRY after he is specifically asked to, is a huge red flag.