I was literally sent messages by guys and the first thing they would say is “hey are you dating someone right now?” First of all–if I was seriously dating someone why would I be online dating? Also, why not start with an opener–ask me how I’m doing and if I don’t respond, maybe that means I’m dating someone. They do not say anything to try to remotely connect and just say “hey are you dating someone right now?” That question just requires a yes or no answer. It is not the initiation of a great conversation that would lead to a date.
While I was online dating, I was on a particular site where you can see A LOT about the person. You have to answer an intense questionnaire, that seems quite random at times and whatever questions you answer, you can see what the other person answers. The questions are multiple choice, and one of them was “how often do you brush your teeth?” Once a day, twice a day, after ever meal or never. I was looking at this guys profile and he checked“once a day.” Which to be honest, totally bothered me, but I decided it wasn’t a deal breaker. On the second date, I brought it up, and asked him why he only brushes his teeth once a day–weird, but he put it out there for everyone to see! He said that he is such a rush in the morning that he just darts out the door so who cares, and he brushes it before bed, which is more important anyway. Ok, if you are only going to brush your teeth ONCE a day (which is already totally gross) AT LEAST have that ONE time be in the morning, before you go out and interact with people and, you know, go on a date.
I was casually dating this guy, but there were no major sparks. I was young and he was nice, so we kept it going for a while. We had a lunch date one day and I had had an exciting morning that I was eager to tell him about. I didn’t want to dominate the conversation, so I decided I would tell him when he asks how I am, or how my day was. I go on the date and he NEVER asks me how I am. (random people ask me how I’m doing as I pass them in the hallways of my office building).
So I never told this guy about my morning, since he obviously didn’t care to hear about my day. Then I (stupidly) continue to date him and I notice that EVERY DATE he not once asks me how I am, or how my day was or how work was–even though I made a conscious effort to ask him at the beginning of each date how his day had been. He never reciprocated and did not remotely seem invested in my life. In hindsight, I don’t know if he knew anything about me because he never asked.
Here’s the kicker though–instead of ending it, me being young and stupid brought it up to him, that he never asks me how my day is. And instead of realizing that is rude and making the effort to change, he got defensive and said I should just tell him. It’s something I expressed that I had a problem with, but apparently asking me how I am doing was WAY too much effort so the conclusion of this conversation (he actually said this) is that he still will never ask me how my day is, and I will just tell him.
My friend had gone out with this guy a couple times when we decided to invite him to the bar we were in. It was really casual, and he lived close. By no means a big introduction. My friend had not told me a ton about this guy–I just knew that they had been out a couple times and keeping it casual. He came and seemed nice.
In his defense, he may have been slightly intoxicated when he started talking to me. My friend was in the bathroom or mingling with our other friends. He proceeded to ask me a ton of questions about her. “Does she like me?” “What did she say about me?” I told him I was really not sure–she hadn’t said much. And he would say “she’s really hard to read, she probably told you that we made-out.” Um…actually she never told me that, and probably would not be too thrilled that you were divulging this to the world. So I told him I did not know that and he kept insisting “she didn’t tell you that?!” “She MUST have told you that we kissed.” “What else did she tell you?”
I’m sorry–are we fifth grade girls? I have no idea–she is a good friend, but she tells me what she wants to and I don’t pry.
I told her the next day, and since she was sort of lukewarm about him anyway that was the last time she saw him. It’s never a good idea to corner and interrogate her friends about what she is saying about you.
This is a short one but still strange. I’m not sure how ALL online dating sites work–but in my experience you can usually tell when the person is on, how often they are on, etc. I honestly do not understand messages that say “Hey are you dating someone right now?” Literally that is it–not “hey, how long have you been on here–have you met someone yet?” Or “Hi my name is —-and I was just curious if you are still available.” Just “hey are you dating someone right now?” Again–I am not sure how other sites work, or other people for that matter. But I personally would not be online dating if I were dating someone. Maybe that’s just me.