My boyfriend was planning on doing a summer internship in another city that was pretty expensive. It was hard to find short term housing and he didn’t know anyone.
Luckily, I knew a few people in the city so I reached out to them, explaining the situation. One of my friends said he was welcome to sleep on her couch for the summer, and the other one said that she could put a partition up in part of the living room so he could have sort of a fake room for the summer. I was so excited that I found a solution for him, and that my friends were being so gracious. I would not want to burden anyone for that summer, so I figured he could spend a few weeks and one friends place, and another few weeks at the other friends place, and maybe he could find a short sublet on craigslist or something.
I told my boyfriend; I was so happy that I could help him out and his first response was that it wouldn’t work out. I asked him why not, and he said “I need my own room.” Ok–but they are letting you crash for free, and it’s just temporary. Let me also reiterate that the city he was temporarily moving to was very expensive. It’s hard enough to find temporary housing as it is, and he was on a budget. He also said he would prefer his own bathroom and his own closet. Yeah, so would most people, but this is one summer (so temporary), and it’s not costing him anything. I could not believe how high maintenance he was being, when most people on a budget would jump at this opportunity.
The fact that he would prefer to spend a lot of time and money to find his own room, own bathroom and own closet for two months in a city where he does not know anyone was such a turn off. I was also hurt that he rejected my solution so quickly and didn’t even recognized that I had reached out to people and really tried to make it work for him.
I started dating this guy and we were not in the “hang out every day” phase–I still needed some space. If he asked to hang out and I said I was busy, he would try to “solve” my problem and try to convince me that I was not busy. If I said I am going to yoga after work, he would say “why can’t you skip it just this once?” or “You can come over afterwards, no big deal.” I didn’t want to come over after–I wanted to go to yoga, go home, have a nice hot shower, cook myself some dinner and sleep early!
The worst was when on a Saturday I had a going away lunch for one of my co-workers so I really couldn’t go to the beach with him. He interrogated me with “you haven’t even been working there that long, why do you need to go?” “how well do you even know this guy, he’s not even in your department.” “You see your co-workers every day, you don’t have to see them on the weekend too.” He would NOT take no for an answer–I want to go to a farewell lunch with my colleagues–I do not want to go to the beach with you.
For the record, I did NOT go to the beach, and I did go to my work lunch but I was ridiculously annoyed that someone could not respectfully take “sorry I’m busy” as a legitimate reason for not hanging out.
When I was in college (aka everyone at this point should have a basic knowledge of how food works) I was dating a guy who wanted to make some hot chocolate. It was one of those instant, heat up water and put the powder packet in. Perfect, that sounds like a good idea! I personally like my hot chocolate a little milkier–so I went to the fridge and got out some milk. He asked me what I was doing, and I just said that I was adding a little milk to my hot chocolate.
He stopped me and said “are you sure that’s ok?” I told him I do it all the time but he was super hesitant. He grabbed to box and the packets the powder came in and read everything. I told him it’s not a big deal, I’m just adding milk but this dude was seriously freaked about that I would dare to do something other than what is said on the box. He kept saying that it says nothing about milk in the instructions–just to add it to water.
First of all, I didn’t think milk in hot chocolate was that weird. Secondly, even if it was weird, that was not the issue. He was genuinely acting like it would poison me if I added milk to my hot chocolate.
My friend had gone out with this guy a couple times. She was comfortable enough to invite him over to dinner. He came over and she cooked while he hung out on a barstool. She does not claim to be the most amazing chef, but she thought she was decent and was happy to cook dinner for him. It was a new recipe she thought she would try. She set the table and they started eating while having a good conversation. During a lull in the conversation she asked what he thought of the food and he said “it’s edible.”
She was a little startled but just moved on to a different topic. When she told me the story I was offended FOR her. Calling someone else’s dinner “edible” is literally the most basic thing you can say about it and anything worse would be a complete insult. I understand that her food may not have been the best and maybe he even hated it. But this is a girl you are dating who you just watched cook this dinner for you. He could have said something remotely polite.