My boyfriend was always playing a game on his phone. It was one of those apps that you play with your friends. I never understood it, but it was some kind of word game that each player had two minutes to intensely focus on it, and when they were done, the other player would make their move. It bugged me a little–most people who are on their phones are texting or reading an article so I can still talk to them and they can stop and respond at any moment. During this game, he was totally focused, could not look up and could not really listen to what I was saying. If I walked in on him while he was on his phone, or if he decided to play his turn when we were together, I would just sit there in silence for two minutes until he was done.
As if that wasn’t bad enough of a red flag–I asked him how many games he had going on. He said just one. I asked him who he was playing with–he said his ex girlfriend. So…every once in a while, you decide to ignore me, (your current girlfriend) so you can intensely focus for two minutes to play a game with your ex girlfriend?! I don’t think so.
While I was online dating, I was on a particular site where you can see A LOT about the person. You have to answer an intense questionnaire, that seems quite random at times and whatever questions you answer, you can see what the other person answers. The questions are multiple choice, and one of them was “how often do you brush your teeth?” Once a day, twice a day, after ever meal or never. I was looking at this guys profile and he checked“once a day.” Which to be honest, totally bothered me, but I decided it wasn’t a deal breaker. On the second date, I brought it up, and asked him why he only brushes his teeth once a day–weird, but he put it out there for everyone to see! He said that he is such a rush in the morning that he just darts out the door so who cares, and he brushes it before bed, which is more important anyway. Ok, if you are only going to brush your teeth ONCE a day (which is already totally gross) AT LEAST have that ONE time be in the morning, before you go out and interact with people and, you know, go on a date.
My friend was very close with her grandmother and when her grandmother passed away, she went through the normal stages of grieving. She took some time, cried a lot, accepted it and forced herself to go about her daily life. She still has a job and a life to focus on and needed to continue her life.
Anyone who has experienced loss knows what it is like–it hurts but you resume normal activities, which is healthy. After a week or so, she went over to her boyfriend’s house to watch a movie and hang out. At this point, she had been going about her normal day; work, grocery shopping, gym etc. Her boyfriend asked her how she was doing and she said that she is still completely heartbroken. His FIRST response was “well, you don’t seem that heartbroken.”
Um…do you expect her to be crying and falling apart every second of every day?! She still has a life, she still has things she needs to do, and just because she does them and isn’t bawling doesn’t mean she’s not hurting. AND a compassionate person would accept it and attempt to be comforting, not argue with a person who says she is heartbroken and claim that she must not be because she doesn’t look it. What a horrible thing to say to someone who just experienced loss.
I’ve written about drunk driving before, and anyone who knows me knows that I am absolutely against drinking and driving. To me, it is one of the dumbest, most selfish things you can do–and so easily avoidable. I told the guy that I was dating that I will never drink and I drive and I never want him or anyone I know to drink and drive. He asked me if I know someone who was killed in a drunk driving accident. Fortunately, I do not, and I would like to keep it that way. He said he was really surprised and when I asked why that surprises him, he said “cuz you just seem really against it.” Wait, so the only possible reason I could be against drunk driving is if I know someone who was killed because of it?! I think most people are against it, and I think it’s weird that he felt like I needed a dramatic explanation for being against something like that.
I dated this guy for a while–longer than I should have. He was SO fun–we were constantly going on adventures and doing really active things. I loved his willingness to try new things and all the great new experience I had. When I took time to reflect on our relationship, I realized that we NEVER talked. We literally never had a sit down meal across from each other and asked each other about how our day was. And I really knew nothing about him. What was his childhood like? What does he want out of a relationship? Nothing deep and important–like you should when you are in a relationship. As much fun as he was, and as much as experiences are key to a relationship–so is talking and having an emotional connection, which we completely lacked.
My friend was at a dinner party with some mutual friends and their families. She talked to a bunch of people, including one guy who was single. His family was there, which made it a little awkward, but he was nice and friendly. It was a very mature party so no numbers were exchanged or anything and she had a good time. As she was leaving, his mom came up to her and said that her son is really shy, so she should definitely make the first move.
What?! It’s not like they were flirting all night, they both just happened to be single. He was nice but it was strange to have his mother vouch for him and tell her she should be more aggressive. That was a little bit of a turn-off for her, for several reasons. Was something totally wrong with this guy that his mommy needs to get dates for him? She also figured if he liked her, they would hang out again–they have mutual friends, getting information wouldn’t be hard. She didn’t ever go on a date with him, that killed it for her.
I am sure I’ve said this before, but I completely believe that the type of people you choose to surround yourself with is a huge sign of what kind of person you are. I was dating this guy who had a lot of male friends who were married on in serious relationships. I met a bunch of them, and I thought they were nice guys. I enjoyed hanging out with his buddies.
After a while, it came out that they all cheat on their significant others. It came up because he had one single friend and I have a couple, and I mentioned that maybe we should all hang out–I think they might hit it off. And he said “I would not set anyone I know up with any of my friends—they are not great people.”
So–you know this, you know they are doing horrible things, and you continue to hangout with them? It was not just ONE guy that he’s been friends with since childhood and can’t cut ties with. He said he wouldn’t set anyone up with ANY of his friends and he said they are all horrible people. Make some new friends, you loser.
I went on a date with this guy–to a beautiful hike. I love the outdoors and enjoying nature and was happy that he did too. We would be hiking and talking and every once in awhile he would stop and say “wait–take a photo of me here.” And he would hop up on some rock and do some dorky pose.
I didn’t think too much of it at first, but it continued to happen throughout the hike. He would say things like “make sure you get the tree in the background–make sure you can see how high up we are!” And the real kicker “I’m going to put this on facebook, so make sure it looks good!”
It was such a turn off! I understand that social media has taken over our lives and people are obsessed with themselves but we were on a great hike (on a date)–can’t you just enjoy it?! And really, you are that egotistical that you think people are going to want to look at a bunch of pictures of you, by yourself, posing at various places on the hike? I think one pictures should suffice.
My friend is online dating and started chatting with this guy who lives about an hour away. Not a deal breaker at all. He was a successful doctor, really attractive and seemed totally put together. They messaged back and forth for a while and she was looking forward to meeting him. Once they decided to schedule a date, he said “I can meet you next month on the 23rd.” That was like three weeks away. So they had been chatting for a couple weeks, they lived an hour apart and there is ONE day in the near future that he is free to meet. She considered it, but then realized that if that is how free he is now, that’s how their dating life would be. They would meet once a month, which makes a relationship difficult to develop in the first place–on top of the fact that they live an hour apart. She decided that she didn’t want to dive into dating with this kind of effort pre-first date.
My boyfriend at the time and I both had GPSs–they were identical in every way–the same brand, same model, everything. But he had a weird attachment to his and was under the impression that his was “better.” Sometimes he would drive and sometimes I would drive. When I was driving and we were going someplace where we needed a GPS, he would literally go to his car, get his GPS out of the car and bring it into mine. I kept telling him it’s the same, and he insisted on getting his from his car. Once, when his car was parked farther, he agreed but was critical the entire time of my gps. I missed a turn (because I wasn’t paying attention) and he blamed the GPS and said that his would never mess up like that, and the directions mine were giving me were unclear.