Monthly Archives: February 2016

The “Birthday” Guy

I went to a wedding where I was friends with the couple and a few people in the bridal party, especially the maid of honor.  She had been with her boyfriend for a little over a year so I was really surprised I did not see him at the wedding, especially since she was the maid of honor and gave a great speech at the reception.

When we got a chance to socialize, I had some small talk with her and asked her where her boyfriend is, and how unfortunate that he didn’t make it to the wedding. She told me that he “did not want to come.” It’s his birthday and he didn’t want to spend his birthday at a wedding.  So her boyfriend would rather spend the day without his serious girlfriend, than go to a wedding on his birthday?!  She was obviously upset about it, so I didn’t want to pry, but it seemed really weird to me.

The “Divorced” Guy

My friend is online dating and for those of you that are unfamiliar, most websites will give you the option stating “single” “separated” “divorced” or “widowed” etc.  She was talking to this guy online who she wanted to meet in person, his profile stated that he is divorced.  Not a big deal, and the older you get the more likely that is to happen.

So she went on a date with him, and he was talking about what he does and his kids and sounded like a normal, nice guy.  She asked him when he got divorced.  He said “well, I’m pretty much divorced.”  What does that mean?!  After some more conversation she found out that he is not actually divorced, but in fact–still married and still living with his wife.  What?! He considers himself “separated” and sure, they might be in the process of getting a divorce but that is NOT the same as being divorced.

Everyone has their own interpretations of what is happening in their own lives, but my friends biggest issue with this guy was his blatant dishonesty. Saying you are divorced on an online profile, usually means you ARE DIVORCED.  The fact that he is separate or getting a divorce, is fine–just be honest and open and say that.

In addition to the outright lie–my friend just had a problem with dating someone elses husband so although she did have a good time on the date, she decided not to get involved.

The “Weirdly Jealous” Guy II

The guy I was dating was on facebook and it kind of spiraled into looking through pictures of some mutual friends.  There was one picture of me and three girlfriends sitting around my one guy friend who posted it captioning “it’s a hard life but someone’s gotta do it.”  For context, it was a nice night out and we were all dressed up and looked pretty good.

My boyfriend got really mad! For one thing, the picture was taken months before we even met and in addition to that, it was obviously just a joke since my friend was surrounded by four beautiful women and thought it was funny. Jealousy to a certain extent can be flattering, but this was ridiculous.

The “Anti-Networking” Guy

I once dated a guy who was “in between jobs.”  This honestly did not bother me at first. I was a lot younger and he was very fun and spontaneous and I really appreciated his free spirit. As time went on–I became more and more stressed out about his situation.  He did not have a job, he had no income and it became apparent after a while that he was not even remotely trying.

He was really good with fixing computers and understanding different software–something I am not great with.  When he was in desperate need of money, he would buy non-working computers or laptops from garage sales or craigslist and get them working again and resell it for a few bucks.

We were at a picnic with some friends and we started talking to one of the guys there.  My boyfriend had met him a few times–they were friends of friends and had hung out a few times.

This guy said he  just started his own business fixing computers. It was small and just getting started, but he is mentioned he’s looking for employees.  I was stoked after hearing this! My boyfriend said “oh, cool” and walked away. I was honestly completely perplexed.  This is what he does, it’s what he is good at and it was basically being handed to him on a silver platter.   My boyfriend made NO mention of being remotely interested?!

I took him aside and confronted him and he said that a picnic is not the “time and the place to network.” WTF–he is JOBLESS, he KNOWS this guy and this guy said he needs people who can fix computers to hire.

Aside from already being unmotivated and not driven–this was just the icing on the cake that made me see things would never change with him.

The “You Sound Hot” Guy

My friend works in customer service where she answers the phones and greets people. She’s a cute girl, and like with any customer service job, she smiles a lot and is friendly. One day she got a call at work from some random guy asking her out. She said “I’m sorry, do I know you?” And he said “No, but my friend goes to that place you work all the time and he said you’re hot. You sound hot.”

Can’t make this stuff up, folks–this is definitely something women do NOT want.

The “Cut and Paste” Guy

I can’t possibly be the only person this has happened to, but occasionally I will get a message from someone I don’t really feel like corresponding with.  Once, I got a decent, albeit generic message like:

“Hey, my name is ***** and I really liked your profile.  I am a stand up, nice guy, I like to go out and exercise but can also enjoy a night in occasionally.  I would like to meet up and have a cup of coffee or maybe a meal some time, message me back if you’re interested.”

I checked out his profile and was not attracted or interested so ignored it.  Literally two weeks later, I get this message from him:

“Hey, my name is ***** and I really liked your profile.  I am a stand up, nice guy, I like to go out and exercise but can also enjoy a night in occasionally.  I would like to meet up and have a cup of coffee or maybe a meal some time, message me back if you’re interested.”
What?! He is just copying and pasting the exact same message to every woman and is so dumb he can’t even keep track of who he has messaged before.  Dodged that bullet.

The “No Walking” Guy

We live in a nice city that has nice weather and I’m not a crazy fitness buff but I do believe in staying in shape.  When someplace is walkable, like a restaurant or the grocery store, I take advantage of it and go for a walk.  I dated this guy who refused to walk anywhere. We would be going less than a block away or across the street and he would insist we get in the car, drive there, park, and drive back. Like I said I’m not a crazy health nut or anything but when it takes just as much time (or sometimes more) to get in the car, I find it completely ridiculous to drive instead of walk.

The “Secretive” Guy

I just googled it, and apparently now days over one third of all relationships start online.  I had met this boyfriend through a very popular online dating website.  We had a lot of chemistry and things were going well.  We were out with some friends and someone asked how we met, I said the name of the website.  She said “oh, cool” and I didn’t think anything of it.

He got annoyed at this and we had a “talk” later that night. He said he doesn’t want people to know we met online–he felt incredibly insecure about it.  I was so confused. What is wrong with meeting online? Lots of couples do now, and almost all of my single friends have tried online dating at some point.

He was insistent that it was bad and put this weird cloud over our relationship.  He wished we could have met “organically” and had some crazy romantic story.  You want me to lie to people?! No, of course not, but could I just not advertise it?

I wanted to respect how he felt, but I was also super confused.   I am a horrible liar, and asking how we met is not an unusual question; there is nothing wrong with meeting online. I was proud of it, and happy that we were a success story, but he shed a negative light on the whole thing.

Not surprisingly, this stemmed from deeper issues and he was a sadly insecure human being.

The “Parking Spot” Guy

My friend was dating this guy who would occasionally sleep over. I am not entirely sure what the parking situation was like, but it was a small apartment complex and there was some shared parking with the other tenants.  Anyway, when this guy slept over once, he had to leave in the morning for work, and the neighbor had blocked him in. He storms back into the apartment in a rage like “who the hell is blocking my car in?! Who is parked there?!”  It was obviously the neighbor who, you know, actually lives in the apartment complex and has full rights to the parking spots. And wait, HE doesn’t live there and is getting upset about it? Didn’t take too long for my friend to realize he was kind of crazy/douchey.

The “Swamped” Guy

My friend went out a couple times with this guy she met online. They seemed to have a spark, he asked her out initially and then asked her out on the second date.  Since she felt some chemistry, she decided to ask him out on the third date–so that he knew that she was interested.  On Thursday, she sent him a “Hey, do you want to hang out this weekend? We could grab dinner or something if you’re free.”  He responded with “Sorry, I’m totally swamped.”

Understandable. People get busy.  She was a little annoyed that he didn’t go into more detail or express that he was bummed.  It was hard since she decided to initiate and got rejected. Anyway, they had some flirty texts over the weekend and on Monday she asked “How was your weekend?”  And he responded with “Great! Went to the gym, hung out at the beach for a bit and had the most amazing burger.”

Wait….he said that he was totally “swamped” and couldn’t hang out with her–but he apparently had time to work out, go to the beach and eat a burger. Yeah, sounds like a totally jam-packed weekend where you couldn’t squeeze in a date.