At the time I was dating this guy–I wasn’t living in the safest city. Like any big city it had it’s pockets of nice areas and it’s pockets of places you should stay away from. It would make me so nervous when we would go out and walk back to our car late at night–especially when we found parking on a sketchy side street. I would nervously stand outside the passenger door and ask him to unlock it. Visibly annoyed that I was being demanding he would purposefully roll his eyes and move in slow-motion. I would ask him to PLEASE hurry up since in my mind, we could be mugged at any second and he still would take his sweet time.
This happened twice before I finally asked him about it, and told him I thought it was so inconsiderate. He said he hates it when I tell him what to do. Then I said I get anxious because when it’s late and night and we’re in a sketchy neighborhood, I feel uncomfortable standing outside the car.
He was like “oh I’m SO SORRY!! I had no idea you were being like that because you felt unsafe, I just thought you were being demanding.”
What the hell?! This guy just thought I was asking him to hurry and unlock the car for no reason so decided he would be rude and move slower? And then once he realized I actually had a reason for my requests, he felt bad? The car thing never happened again and I appreciate it, but things still didn’t work out with this guy.
I have a lot of weird stalker stories. My friend had dated this guy for a while and he was nice but before things got super serious and they had the “relationship” talk, she decided he was not boyfriend material. He kept calling her and trying to convince her she was wrong. That’s when she started getting a little scared. He said he wrote her a letter–she told him she does not want to read it. Then he told her he was on his way to her house so she could at least read the letter. She immediately got in her car and left–she saw his car coming down the street as she pulled out of her garage and went in the opposite direction. Then he texted her asking why she left and saying he’ll wait there till she returns because she apparently NEEDS to read this letter. She asked a couple of friends to do some drive-bys hours later just to be sure he had left before she returned to her place.
I let this guy I was dating drive my car–I don’t really like driving and I am the first to admit I am not the most skilled driver. But this guy I was dating would tailgate, cut people off, swerve into other lanes at the last minute if he was about to miss his turn. I would ask him to stop and he would get annoyed. He is driving MY car with a passenger (his girlfriend) in it. Drive how ever you want when you’re on your own but I generally think you should be more cautions when you are maneuvering someone else’s car AND have passengers and you are making that passenger uncomfortable. Being a reckless driver is already a red flag–but being an insensitive and disrespectful boyfriend is even worse.
My friend met this guy online and then went on a date with him–during this date he discussed how he had a “spirit on his shoulder” that told him what to do. I really don’t even know what else to write. People believe what they want to and sure, he legit thought he had a spirit on his shoulder. The one thing she is super grateful for is that he was upfront about what he thought was happening. Imagine if she totally fell for him and months later he confessed he had a spirit controlling his actions. At least she knew from the first and only time she met him that this was not someone she would like to be involved with.
I know I have blogged about online photos before–but anyone who online dates knows this is a huge part of it–and something that men (and probably women) mess up. It is so sad for me when I come across a profile and reading it, he seems great but he legitimately looks different in every picture. Like a totally different person–and they were probably taken years apart but I’m not sure which are the recent ones and which are the current ones.
This is not a deal breaker for me–but if the conversation goes well and we have plans to meet up this type of guy seriously gives me anxiety. All of my pictures are fairly recent–and least within the last year and I don’t think I have changed a ton. So the guy would (or should) easily recognize me, but since I have no idea what this guy looks like so many questions go through my head. “What if he gets there first and tells me he’s inside then I have to walk in and find him?” “What if I look right at him but don’t recognize him so I walk right past him?” “what if there is another guy there who looks kind of like one of his pictures and I accidentally start talking to him?”
Please don’t do this! Look at least remotely similar in each of your pictures! Don’t post 10 pictures from over a span of 10 years with 10 different hair cuts, facial hair and fashion phases.
For this story you should know that I am a smaller than average woman. I don’t really think of myself as a weakling, but I am really short and can’t lift a lot of weight. Now onto the story.
So I had been dating this guy for a while and we were to the point of the chill/running errands Saturday type date. And I needed to get some things from Costco so we figured we would go there and have lunch afterwards.
The carts in costco are really big and everything is heavy. (single me goes to costco alone and it’s not a problem). BUT I was there with the guy I was dating. I lugged around the cart, I picked everything up and he just followed me around like he was incapable of doing anything. The company was nice but it was so awkward and unusual for me for him to be talking to me as I’m pushing things around and lifting heavy stuff. Sometimes I was obviously struggling and he just stood there.
I know I said this earlier–but I am SO small that random people offer to help me with my luggage at the airport before the luggage even comes out. They look at me and think “that girl won’t be able to lift a suitcase.”
It baffled me that the guy I was DATING did not offer to do what random people do.
Things were going well with this guy–I went over to his house after work and said “How was your day?” He said “not so great.” And then proceeded to tell me he ran into his ex-girlfriend earlier in the day (ok…I can totally sympathize that that would be awkward). He continued to tell me that she just said “hi” as they passed each other. Ok–honestly probably the reaction that I would have if I ran into an ex as well. THEN he continued to tell me how upsetting this was to him because “she didn’t even stop” and “she didn’t even ask me how I’m doing” and “she just looked over and said ‘hey’ as if we barely knew each other.”
Ok wait–am I supposed to be sympathetic in this situation? “Omg! How horrible! As the new girl you are dating, I totally feel for you, that is so awful that you did not stop and have a heartfelt conversation with the girl you used to be in love with.”
Everyone reacts to break ups and exes differently, I get it. And he is totally entitled to his feelings–he probably should have vented to his friends about it. But don’t tell the new girl you’re dating that you “had a bad day” BECAUSE your ex girlfriend “just said hi.”
This is one of my friends, who was online dating–so it can go in either category. After messaging a handsome guy, they exchanged phone numbers. This is how the text conversation went:
Him: Hey Gorgeous (note–already awkward). Send me a picture of you.
My friend: there are a bunch of pictures of me on my profile
Him: but I want to make sure you look like that
My friend: I do, I promise
Him: Ok, I believe you, but send me a picture anyway.
My friend: if you believe me then why do I still need to send you a picture?
Him: I want a picture just for me *smiley face with heart eyes*
Wait wait wait—they don’t know each other, her pictures are on her profile–this dude FIRST tries to call her a liar or a catfisher and THEN awkwardly borderline sexts her? what?!
I went out with this guy I met online. The date was pleasant but I didn’t really feel a spark. He texted me right after saying he had a great time and that he would love to see me again. I took that as a sign that he, you know, wanted to see me again. Since he was nice and well educated, I figured going out a second time won’t hurt. We texted throughout the week and every text convo he would end with “talk to you soon” or “see you soon.” Which again, I assumed meant, you know–that I would see him soon. But nope–these conversations kept going and always ending with an indication that he wanted to meet up again but a second date never transpired. Because I wasn’t SUPER interested to begin with, I never initiated a second meet up, I just assumed from his texts that he was eager to meet up again. Why would he say he wants to see me again if he doesn’t? Why would he even continue to text me? and WHY would he continuously say that he will see me soon if he has no intention of asking me out again? Was it just a reflex?