Anna Kendrick jolted my memory regarding this story with this brilliant quote: “If you tell a guy you don’t like being tickled and he tickles you anyway, that’s a red flag.”
I was going out with this guy and once when I yawned he stuck his finger in my mouth. It obviously cut my yawn short which is super annoying. I am a reasonable person so I didn’t freak out or anything. I just politely told him not to do that anymore.
A few days later, I was yawning and he did it again! He stuck his finger in my mouth. THIS TIME I got mad–and I very sharply reminded him that I requested he no longer do that. He was taken aback by my stern-ness and responded like a sullen teenager “ok, ok what’s the big deal, gosh!”
I don’t know why I was surprised by his response–why was I even dating a guy who thinks it’s funny to stick his finger in a girls mouth when she yawns. This one is probably on me–the FIRST (and only) red flag should have been when it happened the first time. But silly me, I kept dating and he had the opportunity to do it again and then make matters worse by responding even more immaturely.
My friend is also online dating. Like most of us, she is cautious about what she puts online. Maybe a broad description of her job like “marketing” and where she’s originally from. She began corresponding with one guy and understandably exchanged first names. *Note First Names ONLY* After a few back and forths they exchanged phone numbers and scheduled a first date. BEFORE the first date–she got a mysterious friend request from him. (She has a really common first name). He obviously stalked her and tracked her down. Fine, we all try to google people–do some cyber research, sure. But if and when you hit the jackpot, why would you let it be known you are a stalker and send a friend request? At least wait till after the first date!
This is not someone I actually dated, but I thought it was fitting in this category since it is someone I spoke to one night. This guy was chatting me up and asking me where I’m from and stuff. Then he asked me what my last name is–at this point, we were on a first-name basis. I thought that was a somewhat inappropriate question. I have nothing to hide–but I just met him. I asked him why. He said because he wanted to know what ethnicity I am. Fine, I told him what ethnicity I am and the conversation went on. We discovered that we grew up in towns that were near each other. Again, he asked me what my last name is. I already evaded the question minutes earlier–and he thought asking it again would be a good idea. I asked him why (again), and he said he was curious if he knew any of my relatives who may have lived around him. I said “you don’t.” Yeah we grew up near each other but I knew for a fact that none of my relatives had ever lived there. He called me out (which does not make the situation any better) and said “wow, you’re a really private person.” Why because I won’t give some rando I just met my last name? I don’t think that’s unreasonable.
My boyfriend at the time wanted to take me to a nice dinner for my birthday. I was super excited. He also offered to pick me up. I live about an hour outside the city–which means that on a Friday night (when we were intending to go) it would take about an hour and a half to get into the city.
He asked if he could pick me up at 5. Since I finished work around 4:30, I thought that would be way too rushed. I wanted to get home, shower and change for the night so I asked if 6 would be ok. He said of course that was fine. So I assumed that our dinner reservations were around 7:30, which would give us adequate time to get there.
So he picks me up at 6pm, and as we’re driving I ask him what time he scheduled the reservation. He says 6:30. I look at him like he’s crazy and say that there is NO WAY we will make it into the city in 30 minutes. It takes way more than half an hour that on a normal no-traffic day/time. He nonchalantly agreed and I was really upset! I had been looking forward to going to this amazing restaurant all day! Why didn’t he tell me what time the reservation was? I never would have suggested 6pm–and why did he agree to pick me up at 6, knowing we would never make it?!
He said since it was my day he didn’t want to say no to anything I said, so when I requested he pick me up at 6, he wanted to oblige. Um…thoughtful in theory but I would have much rather actually made it to dinner. So guess where we ended up having my birthday dinner? McDonalds. I am not kidding.
My friend had gone out with this guy a couple times when we decided to invite him to the bar we were in. It was really casual, and he lived close. By no means a big introduction. My friend had not told me a ton about this guy–I just knew that they had been out a couple times and keeping it casual. He came and seemed nice.
In his defense, he may have been slightly intoxicated when he started talking to me. My friend was in the bathroom or mingling with our other friends. He proceeded to ask me a ton of questions about her. “Does she like me?” “What did she say about me?” I told him I was really not sure–she hadn’t said much. And he would say “she’s really hard to read, she probably told you that we made-out.” Um…actually she never told me that, and probably would not be too thrilled that you were divulging this to the world. So I told him I did not know that and he kept insisting “she didn’t tell you that?!” “She MUST have told you that we kissed.” “What else did she tell you?”
I’m sorry–are we fifth grade girls? I have no idea–she is a good friend, but she tells me what she wants to and I don’t pry.
I told her the next day, and since she was sort of lukewarm about him anyway that was the last time she saw him. It’s never a good idea to corner and interrogate her friends about what she is saying about you.
I had roommates when I was dating this guy. The normal, polite thing to do, is to address them when you come into the house, and address them when you leave. Even the obligatory “hey guys” or “bye guys” as you walk past would be fine. This guy would walk in, say hi to me and completely ignore my roommates. He did the same thing when we were leaving. I thought it was rude since they would try to interact with him and be nice. I had to actually become a mom and while we were leaving, as I said bye to my roommates and he was being silent, I had to look at him and say “say goodbye.” Like he is a child and doesn’t know basic manners.
My boyfriend at the time and I were at least headed in the direction of a bigger commitment. We were having dinner with his friends, Mark and Jenny. Mark was one of his best friends from college. We had a lovely time, and they are a very nice couple.
Mark and Jenny had gotten married before my boyfriend and I met, so I was not at the wedding, but my boyfriend was a groomsmen. When we were alone I asked him what their wedding was like. My boyfriend then proceeded to tell me how awful it was that Jenny did not allow Mark to drink at their wedding. (I should have prefaced this story by saying that my boyfriend constantly talked about whenever he got together with Mark and their friends from college, all they wanted to do was take shots and get black-out drunk).
I told him that although not drinking AT ALL was a little excessive–I can totally understand where Jenny is coming from. He was appalled–and said he plans to get plastered on his wedding day. Um….excuse me?! He said that it’s his day and he should be allowed to get as wasted as he wants to.
I pointed out that his grandparents and all his relatives were going to be there. Wouldn’t he want to actually remember his wedding day? Let loose for the Bachelor party, sure. But keep it classy for the wedding.
It didn’t work out, which is probably a good thing, since I would apparently have had a wasted husband who doesn’t remember our wedding and embarrassed me in front of my entire family.
I exchanged numbers with this guy and we were planning to meet up. He texted me and asked if we could snapchat. I was so confused–isn’t that for sexting? He said that he had a lot of pictures he wanted to show me. Still confused—why don’t you just picture text me? He said something about how that takes up data, and was pretty insistent about the snapchat thing. I still refused saying I thought it was for inappropriate pictures. And he said something about how that’s what he was hoping for. Wait, what?! I don’t even know this guy; it was not a sketchy hook up site that we exchanged information from and he right off the bat wants to exchange inappropriate pictures with someone he does not know. I am convinced this is how all those men in Congress who have affairs and “sext” their mistresses get caught. Guys are so stupid.