You NEED to have the “define the relationship” talk–you can’t just guess. I had been dating this guy for a little bit and I had been totally honest about the fact that I was also dating other people. He was not surprised, and seemed fine with it. He doesn’t expect every girl he meets to not be dating anyone, but since I was not committed to anyone, and only going on a couple dates here or there, this did not seem to be a problem.
We were out for lunch with some of my friends and I asked for a side of pickles. Throughout the meal he eats them all and I jokingly tease him saying “you ate all my pickles!” So he flags the waitress down and in front of everyone says “I ate all my girlfriends pickles–can you bring another side order please?”
Awkward. And even some of my friends mentioned it to be afterwards. I confronted him about it and he said that we have a “good connection” and he really thinks we should be more serious together. That is fine, and fair. But you can’t just one-sidedly decide that we are in a relationship and I am your girlfriend without at least telling me first!
My first online date ever was at arguably the nicest restaurant in the city. So obviously I had never heard of it. I had been texting this guy for a while when he finally asked me to dinner. He told me the name of the restaurant and I was with my friends and I asked them if they had heard of it. They kind of got wide-eyed and said “…is someone taking you there?’ And I said this guy I’ve been texting asked to take me there. Apparently this restaurant is ridiculously expensive, has an incredible ambiance AND it’s where people literally go to propose or celebrate their 30th wedding anniversary. My friend said he took his girlfriend there for their four year anniversary–and even that was a big deal and stretch for them.
So naturally I got really nervous even though I had already agreed to a date. There is nothing wrong with taking a girl to a nice restaurant, but in this case NICE was an understatement. And it was a LONG dinner–like the full-on 3 course meal. This guy was obviously trying to impress, and I’m sure some women would be swept off their feet. I just felt incredibly uncomfortable because I had to sit in the fanciest restaurant I have ever been in in my entire life with someone I had never met before, and everyone around us probably thought he was about to propose, since you know, that’s what happens there.
The date was full of awkward silences, which made the fact that it was an upscale, three course meal even worse. He paid, and apparently the feeling was mutual since I never heard from him again. But there goes $300 of his down the drain.
There’s nothing wrong with trying to impress and there is nothing wrong with taking a girl to a fancy restaurant. BUT for an online date with someone I had never met before–it was awkwardly and negatively overwhelming.
I went out with this guy a LONG time ago (before smart phones and gps). We were driving around the city trying to find a restaurant and SO lost. I told him we should pull over and ask someone and he just kept driving and saying “I don’t ask for directions.” I don’t know if he was trying to be funny, or thought it was impressive—this was not fun for me. I went along with it for a little bit, but when it was clear that we were not finding it and he kept refusing to ask for directions I kind of snapped into my grumpy-self, which is shocking since I was pleasant up until that point. I was hungry, and tired of driving around and SO over it. So I finally made him pull over so we could ask for directions and we did end up finding the restaurant. But I never went on another date with him.
My friend was going on a first date with this guy and they decided to meet at a coffee house. I don’t know who suggested the coffee house. She got there, and he was sitting alone and playing on his phone–no drink or food. My friend asked him if he was planning on getting something to drink. You know, since it was a date and they were at a coffee house and all. According to her, this is how the conversation went:
Him: No, I don’t drink coffee.
My Friend: You know they have other drinks here…like tea.
Him: Ok, I’ll have one, thanks.
Awkward silence. She left him sitting alone to go to the counter and ordered herself a coffee and him a tea. Then went back to the table and they continued their date. She wasn’t exactly offering to pay–just suggesting alternatives since he said he is not a coffee drinker. That was clearly misinterpreted and she was willing to let that slide, but the rest of the date didn’t go well either.
I was talking to my then-boyfriend about this amazing Alaska trip. My friend, Jessie had gotten a job and a place there and said if I bought a plane ticket I could crash there for a few days. Obviously I jumped at the opportunity to go to Alaska!
I was telling my boyfriend that on my last night there, Jessie and I decided to go to a nice restaurant that had the best seafood I’ve ever had and we ended up having a few too many drinks. We got tipsy and I ended up missing my flight (oops!). No big deal, there was another flight couple hours later and it all worked out, but I thought it was funny.
So after telling my boyfriend this funny story he immediate says “oh, so you went back and had drunk sex?” I was SO confused so I just looked perplexed and said “….what?” And he was like “is that why you missed your flight? because you were having drunk sex?” Who would I be having drunk sex with? And why is sex even being brought into this conversation….I was just talking about my Alaska trip.
Then it clicks that this whole time I’ve been talking about Jessie—who is my girl friend Jessie. And this entire time he was thinking it was “Jesse” some guy friend that I had and went to visit on a trip. I obviously never said anything about Jessie being a guy–just that I visited my friend in Alaska. So he just assumed that I would visit a guy friend in Alaska and have drunk sex with him?!
Even if I hypothetically did visit some guy far away and had sex with him–why would I even bring up this trip in the first place and want to talk to my current boyfriend about it? And why would he ask if I was having drunk sex? Is that something you really want to know about your current girlfriend?
Clearly it was a miscommunication on my part but that does not make my now ex boyfriend any less of a weirdo.
I am not super tech savvy–but I do understand how to post a picture to the online dating website (they make it super easy). I also know how to review my profile to make sure it looks presentable.
I cannot tell you how many times I’ve seen a profile where the guy has a picture of himself and then the exact same picture cropped next to it. Sometimes three or four times! Did he post it, decide to crop it and re-post it?
I’ve also seen the exact same picture posted several times–not even cropped, just the same picture re-posed over and over again. Do you know realize that you are re-posting the same thing?
If the guy is so obviously less tech-savvy than me (which believe me is REALLY hard) then it is an automatic deal breaker. I am tempted to tell them to at least review their own profile!