Monthly Archives: July 2014

The “Boyfriend Insecurities” Guy

My friend had recently made it official with this guy, and she was really into him.  She also thought the song (or the song lyrics) “Music is my Boyfriend” was funny.  She uploaded an album to Facebook and titled the album “Music is my Boyfriend.”  Her actual boyfriend called her, and was upset about it because apparently, music is not her boyfriend, HE is….

This really should go under the “red flags in a relationship” section, but it happened to my friend.  How she didn’t figured out right then and there that she was dating a selfish, insecure prick is baffling to me—this is definitely a red flag.


The “Posting Pictures” Guy

For some reason guys like to put up teeny tiny pictures of themselves on a mountain.  And they’ll also have pictures in just hats and sunglasses.

If ALL of your pictures are from really far away and with sunglasses, I am going to assume that you are super unattractive and are attempting to hide it. And even if you are not super unattractive–how the hell am I supposed to know who to look for when we meet if I honestly don’t know what you look like.

This also goes for men who look different in every single picture.  I swear–there are some guys who put up pictures years apart with different haircuts and facial hair and I honestly don’t know which one is currently accurate.

If you cannot figure out that you’ve posted the same damn picture three times, I will not go out with you.  It’s not rocket science!  And if you cannot figure out how to format a picture so the top of your forehead and/or side of your face is not cut off, then don’t fricken post it!

I am not a superficial person–I just ask that you have a couple of current, clear pictures of what you look like. You’re not fooling anyone with the sunglasses, hats, and weirdly formatted photos.  If you meet her in person, she will figure it out anyway so there’s no point in hiding.


The “Friends Are Way Too Excited” Guy

I tell my friends when I have a date, and what we’ll be doing, and what I think of him so far. Blah blah–just girl talk.  Apparently guys have this conversation too.  I was on an OK date–he was nice and after lunch we decided to walk around.  He takes out his phone and says it’s totally blowing up.  I asked him if everything is ok, and he said that he told all his friends that he was going on a date so they are all texting him

“hey! how did it go?”

“Hey how was she?”

“what do you think of her?!”

“are you guys going on a second date?”

“how did the date end?”

“did you make plans for a second date?”

This was from several different people, and he probably had about 30 messages.  I’m not really sure how I feel about this–maybe this guy doesn’t date often so this was a huge deal and his friends are really supportive and excited for him.  I think the weird part for me is that he told me and showed/read some of the text messages while we were on the date.  Way to be smooth, man.


The “Parking Ticket” Guy

We were going to get dinner and he was driving my car.  He parked on the street and the street sign said “no parking 7:30am-6:30pm.”  It was 6pm.  I said “we can’t park here.”  He said that they are not going to check in 30 minutes and we would be fine.  Being that it was MY car, I did not feel comfortable with this, and continued to insist that he find another parking spot.  He was getting visibly annoyed with me, so finally I said “If I get a parking ticket, then you are going to pay for it.”  He just said “yeah, yeah but you’re not going to get one.”

After dinner, *surprise* a parking ticket is waiting for me! He takes it and says he’s going to pay for it.  Parking tickets double in fine if it is not paid within 30 days.  Knowing all of this, and knowing that the ticket was for a car registered to me, I would ask every couple days if he paid it.  He kept dismissing it saying it was “at his desk at work” and  he was “waiting till he got paid.”  After a couple of weeks he started to get annoyed with me saying that I was being naggy and annoying and that he would get around to it.

This was not the deciding factor, but it did play a role in my decision to end things with him.  I can’t be with someone who would be so disrespectful.  A couple days after I officially ended it, I received this in the mail:

photo (1)

Which I was upset about, but so happy that it confirmed any suspicion I had of him being a complete douchebag. Thanks.