Monthly Archives: May 2014

The “Ridiculously Late” Guy

This is a guy I was talking to online and I was actually excited about this date.  He seemed really smart, and normal via his profile.  And for the record, it was one of my first online dates, so I think I was just excited in general.

We decided to meet for lunch at 11am.  I generally try to get to the dates 10 minutes early–that way if I have trouble finding the restaurant or parking, I’d be all set.  I found the restaurant and parking right away, so I actually got to the restaurant at 10:50.  Perfect.

Right outside the restaurant, there was a cute bench near the sidewalk–also perfect.  I didn’t have to worry about standing awkwardly near the host.  I never want to be naggy or rush the other person–I totally understand running late.  So at 11am I texted him just to let him know “hey, I’m right outside the restaurant–take your time!”

At 11:15am he texts me back “Sorry, I’m running a little late, see you soon.”  Note–he waits till he is already 15 minutes late–he also waits until I text him, to notify me that he will be late…

Thank goodness for smart phones.  I am keeping myself busy as the time goes by, texting friends etc.  One of them even says “why are you still sitting there? Leave!” In hindsight I definitely should have.

He shows up a little after 11:30–so at this point I have been sitting by myself outside of this restaurant for 45 minutes.  He is over half an hour late for our date.  He kind of gives a half-ass apology and no explanation. I was pretty much over it at that point.


The “Really Indecisive” Guy

I personally appreciate men who are assertive and decisive.  This does NOT mean I like to be bossed around.  However, I also don’t like being the bossy one and I want a man who has a backbone.

This one was a brunch date (*side note–I LOVE brunch, but it’s only the kind of thing you can do on a date or with girlfriends so brunch is a big deal for me).  We walked in and the hostess asked us if we want a table inside or outside.  He looked at me and said “what do you want to do?” After a couple of “oh, I don’t care, what do you want?” I told the hostess that we would like to be seated inside.  She takes us in and says we are the first ones there so we can pick any table we want.  Again, he looks at me and asks me where I want to sit.  This poor hostess is standing there, waiting for us to pick a fricken table!

Needless to say, the entire meal went like this, from deciding on specials to whether or not we should split dessert.  I am pretty sure he did not make one decision over the entire date.  He was very sweet, but if he cannot make a decision on where we are going to sit at a restaurant, I cannot imagine how difficult going about his daily life must be.

The “Me Too” Guy

This is one guy that I dated for longer than I’m willing to admit. But in my defense–it was because he was a Me Too guy.  When we first met and were in the “getting to know each other” phase, everything I said, he responded with “me too” it was like a reflex.

“I am really organized and appreciate a structured schedule during my day”

“Me too.”

“I really care about the environment, and I’m pretty strict about recycling.”

“Me too.”

“I like to keep myself on a budget and really watch my finances.”

“Me too.”

I started to think this guy was perfect for me!  We had so much in common!

We had planned a day in another city–museums, sightseeing, trying out some cool restaurants we looked up– but first he wanted to stop by his friends place.  It was pretty early on, so I didn’t want to be a total brat but we spent ALL DAY at his friends place.  They were just chilling and drinking and everyone was really nice, but he was totally lagging.  I was starting to have anxiety about being there, because we had all this stuff planned but it was hard for me to tell him in front of his friends and I didn’t want to be a wet blanket.  By the time we left, I was pretty annoyed.  We had time to go to one restaurant before heading back.  I confronted him in the car–I thought he said he likes to have an organized and structured day.  He said he likes to have an “idea” for a day and then just kind of go with it…..

We were at the park once and he was drinking a plastic water bottle. When he was done, he kind of tossed it to the side. I asked him if he was going to recycle it, or at least pick it up and put it in the trash can and he said “but I don’t see a trash can around…”

It did not take me that much longer to realize that he was not the person I thought he was.  Everything he said in the beginning of the dating phase was just a reflex–and it worked! It got me on the hook, and it got me to keep dating him.

BE AWARE of the “Me Too” guy.  It is better to figure out sooner than later.


The “Only For Sex” Guy

I know that this is not unusual at all  for online dating, but I just had to add it!  Obvious, but still funny.

What is up with the shirtless selfies?! Or the flexing arm poses at the gym?  I really don’t understand what type of self-respecting man would post these pictures–and what self-respecting woman would respond. Too many shirtless selfies online dating–I can’t handle it! The worst are the ones that are unattractive shirtless selfies!  If you are going to pose shirtless, at least have a decent body, please!

Again, this experience is not unique at all, and I will be the first to tell you that I am NOT the most attractive woman in the world.  I literally get messaged “hi…sex?” I am so curious about the type of women that respond to these messages–someone should do a psychological study–and then get them psychological help.

I will now type out verbatim a message that I recently received (and sadly this is NOT the only one of its kind):

“Hello, me and my wife are looking for some sexenture n we want to know if ur in to that stuff :)”

I’ve also gotten “wanna make out?”  I really hope he was kidding, but regardless I did not think it was funny.


The “Hands You Money” Guy

Ok, so I couldn’t think of a better name for this guy, sorry.  But this is basically what happened!  My friend isn’t into committing to long dinner dates with guys she just met–totally understandable.  So she decided to meet this guy for coffee.  She got to the counter first, ordered and paid.  She grabbed a table while he ordered his coffee, and once he sat down, he said “I would have paid for your coffee.”  My friend politely and honestly tells him not to worry about it–it was a first date, it was just coffee and she wasn’t expecting him to pay for it anyway.  He says “here” and hands my friend $5 in cash.  

This dude is obviously super socially awkward, which makes my friend pretty uncomfortable, so I think she eventually took it after insisting it wasn’t necessary.  WOW–he could have said “oh, I was going to pay for your coffee, I’ll get you next time.”  Or “wow, I like a woman who doesn’t always expect the man to pay.”  And really, the best thing probably would have been NOTHING–don’t acknowledge it, don’t mention it, just go about the lovely coffee date.

Anyway, my friend said he was (unsurprisingly) super awkward for the rest of the date anyway and they never saw each other again.


The “Wants to Get Married Immediately” Guy

I am all for commitment and long term dating.  Contrary to these posts–which makes it seem like I just continuously go on horrible one-time-dates, I would like to eventually settle down.  But I’m not in a rush, and I might as well share this adventure while I’m on it.  This was a guy I was set up with through a mutual friend (she got an earful of my vent later).  I am absolutely not exaggerating when I tell you these are the questions I was asked on the first (and only) date:

How many children do you want to have?

Do you want a boy or a girl first?

How far apart do you want them?

Have you thought about what you’re wedding cake will look like?

What colors do you want your wedding colors to be?

Let’s put the brakes on this a little bit.  I could even excuse it if he had prefaced with “I just got back from my friends wedding” or “my sister just had her second baby.”  I can assure you these questions were without a preface and without prompting.  When he goes back to talk to his bros about how this date went, I hope he learned his lesson.