Category Archives: Red Flags In Relationships

The “Sketchy” Guy

I was cautious when things started getting serious with any guy.  I was with one guy who I knew had been with several other women in the past.  I asked him if he would get tested before anything happened.  He said “sure.” And then changed his answer a few days later to “Oh, I did that before we met.”  When I pressed him about seeing documentation from the clinic he said “they don’t give you anything, they just said I was fine and I could leave.” The whole thing sounded sketchy to me–why wouldn’t the clinic give him a piece of paper? Why would he go from saying he would do it to saying he already had?  Needless to say the whole thing felt off and we never slept together.

 

The “Trust Issues” Guy

I believe in being open and honest in a relationship.  If I am driving and my phone dings, I have no problem handing it to my boyfriend and asking him to read the text to me.  I have nothing to hide.  I am a really deep sleeper and I sleep with my phone on the nightstand.  When I woke-up, I checked my phone and noticed that some messages I had gotten the previous day were “read” when I had not read them.  I didn’t think too much about it until my boyfriend said he went through  my phone while I was sleeping and asked me about some of the guys that had texted me.  What?!

For the record at this point in my life, I had a really needy/semi-obsessed ex who texted once in awhile about wanting me back and how we “had something special” etc.  But I was totally honest about that in my current relationship and he knew my ex had issues.  I rarely responded other than to say things like “sorry, you need to move on.” It was never my intention to be MEAN to my ex, we did have a connection at one point, and I just continued to gently remind him that I had moved on and he should too.

I guess I never let my current boyfriend READ these messages, and I did absolutely nothing wrong.  But he questioned everything like why my ex kept saying we “had it” and that we lost it.  NEWSFLASH–you are not the first guy I’ve ever dated, and I was in committed relationships previously.  Clearly my ex is having issues moving on, which is sad, but really has nothing to do with my current relationship.  It absolutely does not give my boyfriend the right to GO THROUGH MY PHONE WHILE I’M SLEEPING.  If you have a problem with my ex texting me, tell me. If you want to know what he’s saying, ask me.  I absolutely would have volunteered the information so I was infuriated and offended.

 

The “Crier” Guy

I was having some major issues with my boyfriend and we both knew it.  One day when we were out at dinner, he brought it up and asked me why I am unhappy.  I was open and honest and listed all the things going wrong in our relationship.  I was stunned when he looked at me and burst into tears in the restaurant.  I didn’t know what to say so I just stared at him and kind of ate.  It was SO awkward.  (This was years ago when I was much younger and much more awkward).   He went to the bathroom and when he came back, I asked him if he was ok, and he said he just felt like he was being totally attacked.  He brought it up, and he asked me what was wrong! I was just being honest, which I thought was the right thing to do.  I don’t know why he asked if he didn’t want to hear the answer.

The “Playboy Model” Guy

I was dating this guy for a while and things were up and down but going decently.  I can’t remember why, but one night we were both busy.  I was spending time with family and he had some event he needed to go to.  We did text a bit throughout the night, but the text that made it a major “red flag” was that he said “I’m here hanging out with my playboy model friend and all I can think about is you.” That is a really weird way to pay me a compliment.  So glad you could tell me about this sexy woman that you are spending the evening with.

The “Netflix” Guy

I did not live with my boyfriend, but we had keys to each other’s houses and he was over often.  He would sometimes come over before I came home from work and hung out.  I didn’t have cable at the time, but I eventually gave him my netflix password, so he could chill out on his phone or ipad while at my place.  Long story short, we ended up breaking up.

I didn’t really think about netflix but about a month later, I signed on.  It had that “do you want to continue watching….” I had no recollection of watching this show, so I started digging–I went to my “recently watched” section where I could see all the dates and shows that have been watched on my account.  I realized that since we broke up–this dude had been using my account and watching netflix! What a douche–I disconnected him immediately and changed my password.

The “Pintrist” Guy

I love pintrest and I had a habit of pintresting before bed.  I would sometimes show my boyfriend funny memes or a cute pictures of stuff I found on pintrist.  I kid you not–I was actually dumped by him because (and I quote) “I don’t know what pintrist is, you need to find someone who has more in common with you.”  Clearly this was a BS excuse, but if you’re going to break up with me, at least do me the courtesy of a legit (and honest) reason!

The “High Maintenance” Guy

My boyfriend was planning on doing a summer internship in another city that was pretty expensive.  It was hard to find short term housing and he didn’t know anyone.

Luckily, I knew a few people in the city so I reached out to them, explaining the situation.  One of my friends said he was welcome to sleep on her couch for the summer, and the other one said that she could put a partition up in part of the living room so he could have sort of a fake room for the summer.  I was so excited that I found a solution for him, and that my friends were being so gracious.  I would not want to burden anyone for that summer, so I figured he could spend a few weeks and one friends place, and another few weeks at the other friends place, and maybe he could find a short sublet on craigslist or something.

I told my boyfriend; I was so happy that I could help him out and his first response was that it wouldn’t work out.  I asked him why not, and he said “I need my own room.”  Ok–but they are letting you crash for free, and it’s just temporary. Let me also reiterate that the city he was temporarily moving to was very expensive.  It’s hard enough to find temporary housing as it is, and he was on a budget. He also said he would prefer his own bathroom and his own closet.  Yeah, so would most people, but this is one summer (so temporary), and it’s not costing him anything.  I could not believe how high maintenance he was being, when most people on a budget would jump at this opportunity.

The fact that he would prefer to spend a lot of time and money to find his own room, own bathroom and own closet for two months in a city where he does not know anyone was such a turn off.  I was also hurt that he rejected my solution so quickly and didn’t even recognized that I had reached out to people and really tried to make it work for him.

 

The “Phone Game” Guy

My boyfriend was always playing a game on his phone.  It was one of those apps that you play with your friends.  I never understood it, but it was some kind of word game that each player had two minutes to intensely focus on it, and when they were done, the other player would make their move.  It bugged me a little–most people who are on their phones are texting or reading an article so I can still talk to them and they can stop and respond at any moment.  During this game, he was totally focused, could not look up and could not even listen to what I was saying.  If I walked in on him while he was on his phone, or if he decided to play his turn when we were together, I would just sit there in silence for two minutes until he was done.

 
As if that wasn’t bad enough of a red flag–I asked him how many games he had going on.  He said just one.  I asked him who he was playing with–he said his ex girlfriend.  So…every once in awhile, you decide to ignore me, (your current girlfriend) so you can intensely focus for two minutes to play a game with your ex girlfriend?!  I don’t think so.

The “Two Minute Game” Guy

My boyfriend was always playing a game on his phone.  It was one of those apps that you play with your friends.  I never understood it, but it was some kind of word game that each player had two minutes to intensely focus on it, and when they were done, the other player would make their move.  It bugged me a little–most people who are on their phones are texting or reading an article so I can still talk to them and they can stop and respond at any moment.  During this game, he was totally focused, could not look up and could not really listen to what I was saying.  If I walked in on him while he was on his phone, or if he decided to play his turn when we were together, I would just sit there in silence for two minutes until he was done.

 
As if that wasn’t bad enough of a red flag–I asked him how many games he had going on.  He said just one.  I asked him who he was playing with–he said his ex girlfriend.  So…every once in a while, you decide to ignore me, (your current girlfriend) so you can intensely focus for two minutes to play a game with your ex girlfriend?!  I don’t think so.

The “Fun Adventures” Guy

I dated this guy for a while–longer than I should have.  He was SO fun–we were constantly going on adventures and doing really active things. I loved his willingness to try new things and all the great new experience I had.  When I took time to reflect on our relationship, I realized that we NEVER talked.  We literally never had a sit down meal across from each other and asked each other about how our day was.  And I really knew nothing about him.  What was his childhood like? What does he want out of a relationship?  Nothing deep and important–like you should when you are in a relationship.  As much fun as he was, and as much as experiences are key to a relationship–so is talking and having an emotional connection, which we completely lacked.