The “Penis Size” Guy

My friend was dating a guy and after they had been intimate a few times, he asked her if he had the biggest penis of anyone she had been with.  First of all, that is a totally weird question (guys are always obsessed with size).  Secondly, don’t ask the question unless you are prepared for the answer.  She answered honestly and said “no.”  He was a decent size, but the truth is, she had been with a guy who had a bigger penis.  He demanded to know who and she told him.  Not like it mattered, since he had never met the guy before.  After that, it was an ongoing point of tension.  He constantly mentioned this other guy’s name and was always asking about why she wasn’t with him if his penis was so big.  Penis size isn’t everything and being wildly insecure about yours, and always talking about your insecurities is a complete turn off.

The “Closure” Guy

My friend met someone online and they went on one date.  It was mediocre at best and she was not devastated when she didn’t hear from him.  FIVE days after the date, he texted to say that he had a good time, but he’s not interested.  She did not initiate the conversation, and was completely fine with letting it die.  Why would he go out of his way after radio silence for five days to say he doesn’t want to date her?  Obviously he hadn’t heard from her either, so she was not interested in dating him.  Anyway, she totally called him out and said “I don’t know why you felt the need to text me after 5 days to tell me you’re not interested, but thanks, I’m not interested either.”  And his response was that he felt she needed “closure.” WTF. Like she’s been staring at her phone for 5 days waiting for him to contact her?  This guy was obviously so full of himself he felt that my poor, pathetic friend had been waiting by the phone, so she obviously needed to hear that he was not interested.

The “Vocabulary” Guy

The guy I was dating was complaining to me about a woman he works with.  He was talking about how frustrating it is because she would say things like “aw you poor thing.”  And calls people “honey.”  I said “wow, she sounds like she’s really condescending.  His response was “she’s not condescending, she just talks to everyone like they’re a four year old.”  …what?

 

The “Overpopulated” Guy

My friends boyfriend never wants to have children.  That’s a personal choice for him, but the sad thing is, my friend really wants to have children.  The weird thing is that he would completely brainwash her.  When I asked her about what it’s like with her wanting children and him not wanting children, she went off on a very seemingly-rehearsed speech about how the world is overpopulated and that people should stop having children since there’s not enough food/space whatever to maintain people continuing to have babies.

The “Highway” Guy

I had just moved to California and was out on a date with a guy.  He had moved there recently too, and was giving me all kinds of tips, which was nice.  He said “The thing you have to remember about Los Angeles is–the highway numbers that end in an odd number go North and South and the highway numbers that end in an even number go East and West.”

I looked at him kind of puzzled and said “…Isn’t it like that…everywhere?” He said “No, that’s only in Los Angeles.”  Even at that time, I was pretty well traveled, and knew that freeways spanned across several cities and states.  I also knew that everywhere in the country even number highways go East and West and odd number highways go North and South.

The “First Date” Guy

I met this guy online and went on a first date with him.  It was fine.  He texted me a day later and asked if I wanted to go on a second date with him.  I said “sure.”  He seriously texted back and said “I’m actually kind of surprised you are agreeing to go on a second date with me–you seemed to be judging me on the first date.”

First of all, who does not judge someone on a first date, especially someone they met online, so no surprise there–pretty sure that’s what first dates are for.  Secondly, if he felt uncomfortable with it, why would you ask me out again?  And third–why would you bring it up?!  Yeah, I judged you, I don’t really know you, I agreed to go on a second date with you. Big deal–why ruin it by calling me out and saying something like that?  The second date never happened. I said something like “I thought that’s what first dates were for, but I’m definitely judging you for this conversation.”  And he said “I don’t care if you’re judging me, I want an explanation.”  Um…an explanation about why I want to go on a second date with you?  Well, I don’t anymore, so problem solved.

The “Sketchy” Guy

I was cautious when things started getting serious with any guy.  I was with one guy who I knew had been with several other women in the past.  I asked him if he would get tested before anything happened.  He said “sure.” And then changed his answer a few days later to “Oh, I did that before we met.”  When I pressed him about seeing documentation from the clinic he said “they don’t give you anything, they just said I was fine and I could leave.” The whole thing sounded sketchy to me–why wouldn’t the clinic give him a piece of paper? Why would he go from saying he would do it to saying he already had?  Needless to say the whole thing felt off and we never slept together.

 

The “Pointer” Guy

I once dated a guy who had a major pointing problem and it was really embarrassing.  One night we were out to dinner and of course my ex walks in. Awkward enough.  I just casually said “oh, man, my ex is here.”  The guy I was on a date with conspicuously looks around and straight up stretches his arm, full-on points and says (not quietly) “Who? That guy?”  I said “um…could you not point at him please?”  He drew his arms in and whispered “but is it that guy?”  still pointing, although not as obviously. It’s awkward enough running into an ex when you’re on a date, but to have the guy you’re on a date with literally point it out is mortifying.

The “Control-Sleep” Guy

My friend lived with her boyfriend.  He was really weird and controlling, insisting they go to bed at the same time each night and wake up at the same time every morning.  So he would never let her sleep in, or if he wanted to sleep in, he would get mad that she would dare get out of bed before he woke up.  This meant if there is a game on he wanted to watched, she couldn’t go to bed while he stays up to watch it–she had to stay up until he was ready for bed. This was definitely a red flag–never be with someone who controls your sleep schedule.

 

The “Emoticons” Guy

I understand that texting is a way to communicate and express yourself.  I tend to be cutesy with my use of emoticons, but I am also an expressive and happy person so they are just a tool for me to convey my feelings.  This might be hypocritical but I am kind of turned off by guys who use an excessive amount of emoticons–especially the cutesy ones.  One or two smiley faces at the end of the conversation is ok “Have a good night :)”  but a smiley face or a winky face in each text message is way too much. It makes me picture a constantly smiling, talking to children cartoon character or something which is a little creepy.